i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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