I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
