Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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