I feel like I'm in dance class right now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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