I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
