i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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