i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
