Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
