who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
