I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
