Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
