Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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