Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
