Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I believe in your delicious
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
