my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
