Your mouth is God's brothel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
