I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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