i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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