No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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