he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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