My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
