is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
