The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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