I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
