So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
