Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
