I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
