i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im holly from the hills drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
