I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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