Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
