He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
