Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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