tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
