I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
