so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
