i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
