i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wear drunk well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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