I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He did a backflip because drugs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
