Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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