I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
