What a fucking waste of an outfit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
