cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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