there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
