winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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