You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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