so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
