There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
