Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
