Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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