My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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