I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
