Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
