I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so let's talk penis.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
